You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
