lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
