I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
