last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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