listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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