He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
