sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
