I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
