Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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