I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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