So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
