Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
