i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
