neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
