I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
