There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
