The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
