mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
