Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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