he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
