i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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