you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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