Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
