She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
