Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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