I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
