Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can't talk, ducks in the car
what the fuck happened to the tacos
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
