Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
