guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
