Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
