This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
