I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
