Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i jhust puked up my retainher.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
