I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So vagazzling was a success
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
