wat bout pragnant strippers??
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Randomize
