I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
