Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
