I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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