hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
