just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
