I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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