Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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