I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
