I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
