Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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