just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
