I want to have your abortion
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
