Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
