I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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