omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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