He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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