So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
